Of Wings...

WELL SUPRISE SUPRISE, MARTINI IN A DEVIL OUTFIT!

Bring your feathers and slap out those tails - it's Heaven and Hell night tonight at the club! After Charlies little sweat shop did overtime last night you'll see one of our biggest staff efforts yet to bring you tight shorts, fluffy knee downs, body paint and more flesh than a buthcers block!
You know you want to ;)

Officially sponsered by Burnt Face Man and Friends Of Dorothy Food Courts, Hanley

Of Pictures Of Towers (That Didn't Fit Previous Post)

A Couple of shots for the old album :)

Of Ebay, Crazy Children and Alton Towers!

It's been a while. Since my last real post that is. What with the flurry of this month and the carnage blackpool wrought on both the mind, body and bank account I've had little time to post on here lately so here's a quick (for me) update.
Ebay has reared it's ugly little expensive head again! I've found myself impulse buyin more tat-n-crap especially DVD's I'll never likely watch nor want... So thanks to Gwen for that!
I've also found out over the weekend that an old (well young) aquaintance has been telling little porkie pies in a vain attempt to sully my good name. Apparently I was 'in love' with this person and 'couldn't stop crying' over him. Hmmm, I'm gonna go ahead and guess that the ego needed a boost on this one and can assure all my readers there's only ever been two big loves in my life - David Lane and Chocolate and I'm sure as hell on good terms with them still lol. So feel free to check your details next time Mr (cos I know you read this still).
Alton Towers was the destination attacked, raped and left bleeding by the club staff yesterday and what a day it was! All of the rides had 20 mins que or none at all so we just kept running onto each and every one. The new ride Rita proved a little scary for Martini who suffered G-Force Cartoon Photographs and Nemesis put a green face on Dom who promptly threw up after getting off (much to everybodys titters). Not one to upset an eager crowd, he risked a quick flight on Air (which is uber cool wheee) by dropping several stomach fulls while still horizontal onto the waiting bay as we parked up. Everyone was crying with laughter and even the crowds waiting go on applauded his performance. To see puddles of sick falling behind your feet is most bizarre but rewarding all the same! Ended the day on the water rides and got soaked from two flume visits and a (rather tame) river rapids. Heaters on all the way home! Piccys to follow!
In other news Dicky made another flying visit to Mr Hospital and his camera friend (ick), Adam has attracted even more members of club staff, Ricky got promoted at potato land extending his reign over the food court kingdom, NeeNee returned from his jaunt in Corfu looking like Donatella Versace (we missed you babe), I met Danielle from Urban Cookie Collective (and seemed to be the only one appreciative of such choons) and Martin Foote has remerged onto the scene after his african adventure less folically challenged and more tanned!
Proper (HA!) update later this week but for now the trafford centre calls!

Ferme La Bouche xx

Chloe!

Name - Chloe La Chat
Alias - Clo, Cow Bag, Twat Legs, Puddy
Age - 3
Residence - My Settee
Profession - Professional Lounger And Mouse Chaser
Favourite Pose - The Ballerina Leg
Trademark Fashion - Sparkly Collars, Silver Tabby Coats
Smokes - Urrr... No...
Drinks - Water (Preferably Out Of Pint Glasses)
Loves - Ear Tickling, Fuss, Food, Feathers, Tuna, Chasing Paper Balls
Hates - Pigeons, Hoovers, Being Woken Up, Other Cats
Role - My Baby And First Lady Of The House
Most Likely To Say - Meow
Least Likely To Say - Woof

Gem!

Name - Gemma Redfern
Alias - Gem, Horse God
Age - 22
Residence - Kidsgrove South
Profession - Full Time Mum And Domestic Engineer
Favourite Pose - The 'GRIN!'
Trademark Fashion - Chicken Fillets, Tight Shirts, Ug Boots
Smokes - Lots!
Drinks - Vodka, Or Whatever She Can Get Her Hands On
Loves - 80's Music, Labrynth, Holly, Tesco Canteen, VH1, Nights Out
Hates - Kate Mayor, Abusive Fella, Spiders
Role - Life Long Best Friend Since Tots I'd Do Anything For
Most Likely To Say - Lemon Curry, Do You See?!
Least Likely To Say - I'm Staying In This Saturday

Jase!

Wings

Name - Jason Cody
Alias - Jase, Lad, Jism, Rainbow
Age - 18
Residence - A Few Doors Down, Fairy Towers MkII
Profession - Lifeguard And Flesh Oggler
Favourite Pose - The 'Shocked Look'
Trademark Fashion - Anything Blue Or Black, Safety Pins
Smokes - When His Sister Ain't Looking
Drinks - Red Wkd (Yuck Yuck Yuck) And Absinthe
Loves - Swimming, Canoeing, Slagging It, Spag Bol And Singstar
Hates - Campness, Anything Yellow, Dogs, Having His Photo Taken
Role - Proper Jack The Lad In Training, Good For A Cup Of Sugar
Most Likely To Say - Like; In Any Sentence Whatsoever!
Least Likely To Say - Anything Sensible

Aj!

Name - Adam Lovatt
Alias - Aj, Kidda, New Meat, The Child
Age - 19
Residence - Penkull (The Nice Bit With Trees)
Profession - Gerbil Seller And Fellow Bar Whore
Favourite Pose - The 'Hide-Me'
Trademark Fashion - Bloody Perfect Hair All The Time... Bitch
Smokes - Doesn't Know What It Is
Drinks - Till He Can't Feel His Limbs Anymore
Loves - Over Priced Cocktails, Madonna, Veggie Burgers, Being A Newbie
Hates - Feet, Newbie Competition, Sarcasm, His Reputation For Staff Flings
Role - The Youngest Of The Group, Good For A Wrestle
Most Likely To Say - I Don't Know What You Mean... (With Blank Look)
Least Likely To Say - Madge Is Past It

Dom!

Wings

Name - Dominic Brice
Alias - Dom, Willow, Short Stuff, Poison Dwarf
Age - 23
Residence - Chez Gayz, Fenton
Profession - Bitch4U And Fellow Bar Whore
Favourite Pose - The ' Dafter-The-Better'
Trademark Fashion - Ripped Denim, A Cigarette, Well Hidden Ginge
Smokes - Surgically Attached To A Cancer Stick 24/7
Drinks - Pure E Numbers And Sugar
Loves - Dancing, Smoking, Bitching, Conveyer Belts, Flashy Lights, Hed Kandi, Gimme (x3)
Hates - People, Social Ineraction, Racial Diversity, Being 'PC'
Role - Pure Entertainment Pocket Sized For Your Convenience, We Love 'Im!
Most Likely To Say - Anything Derogatory With A Dry Twist
Least Likely To Say - A Compliment When Sober

Bex!

Wings
Name - Rebecca Drury
Alias - Bex, Becci, Tonka Tits
Age - 22
Residence - Chez Lez, Bucknal
Profession - Fellow Club Whore
Favourite Pose - The 'Symmetrical Grin'
Trademark Fashion - Hammock Bras And Rare Lesbian Makeup!
Smokes - She's Too Innocent For That
Drinks - Doesn't Take Much But Cheeky Vimto, Southern Comfort And Apple Sourz
Loves - Cat, Frapping, Popcorn, Getting Away With Anything, Hed Kandi
Hates - Dirty People, Sick, Penis', The Morning After
Role - The Loveliest Lovely Person You'll Love To Meet!
Most Likely To Say - A Girly Ickle Giggle
Least Likely To Say - Snake Bit And Black Please

Of Green T-Shirt Wearing Hairy Chested Bastards...

WELL IT AIN'T EXACTLY A CHEST RUG!

Wings

Hello all! Finally recovered from blackpool this afternoon (thursday!) and legs are no longer acheing. However, the strict diet of full fried breakfasts and chips have played merry hell with my skin so although I may have turned 23 last friday I still have the complexion of a 14 year old!
We don't give a flying fudge however as I've been eagerly tapping text messages into my new phone to the adorable Richard all week, and my 'ten' has been 'smite'! Yes I'm officially doing everyones head in with the fact that I'm really into this guy and the only factor that seems to be against me on this occasion is distance - which has never stopped me in the past (re: Vince). So it's all glowy bits and bluetits unless Stropon has a word with 'those Gods'...
Just had a night round Martini's with Dicky and Ju after a lemonade with the guys up tuns. Watched Mean Girls and forgotten what fun it is (Lindsey Lohan pre-emaciation) and the numorous one liners Martini was famous for back in March. All good fun.
Have also signed on for GNVQ's at work - if only for the fact they take about 3 months to do as oppessed others I've done and you get a quick £50 just for completing them so that'll go towards the Liverpool trip on the 14th... the next city on the mimsy ivasion tour!
Other gossip includes Julie and Gen finally getting it on after years of pent up dyke frustration, Joan fancying Adam (who doesn't it seems) oh and I may have mentioned a guy from Warwick uni I've developed a major crush for... ahem.

RICE!!!

Wings x

Of Blackpool Indigestion...

WOULD YOU GIVE HER A PUSH?

Wings

Oh yes, for those of you not yet over the weekend to end all weekends (be it through tonsilitis, being smitten again or Stella's one liners) here's another snippet from the wings library archive. Look at her mounted on her swing... GLORIOUS!
Went to see '40 year old virgin' (amongst many a joke on a certain person we think the film is based upon) and gotta admit it's a really sweet film, as well as being very funny! Due to the onslaught of SFT05ptIItbsb as well as a busy night for the understaffed club on saturday, the sunday social was only attended by myself and Dom. Such slap dash lack of presence from the rest of the staff shall not go unrecorded despite such lame excuses. Especially as it was the first decent film we've seen in ages (coughcoughthecaveandredeyecough). Fell into bed sunday after a quick banter with Charlie and Adam up the club then work monday.
Spent most of it texting adorable sex god Richard (the guy from blackpool, not Dicky) arranging our next meet and fielding questions to my unknowing colleagues about the 'pu**yfest' that was blackpool. Monday night was another jinxed journey on our national railway network and I officially despise peasant wagons with a whole fresh venom! Stayed at my dads overnight then went shopping in Nottingham today with my step mum. We were most impressed at the next clearence store, their burtons and the mecca of all casual high street wear, H&M (cue choir of angelic creatures). So it's back up there at the end of the month with wages (of which there is hardly anything left post Stellafest so thank god for weekly top ups a la club).

Keep smilin kiddies,

Wings xXx

Of Accountants, Bells Whiskey and Ooh La La

THE LADY OF THE WEEKEND, MISS STELLA ARTWAT!

Oh my freaking god! How awesome was STF05ptIItbsb?!
Friday ended up as a bit of a rush jobby as we had a somewhat late arrival. Was cool as ever to see Princess again so after a good chin wag of a catch up gettin ready go out and some vodka and cranberry juice, we hit the tiles of Mardi Gras. She was there. She sang to us. She made us laugh. She made us cry. She made us squeal at one point. Stella is a legend. Please find below excerpts from said night:
"Quentin Tarantino is releasing a new movie - Resevoir Wogs. Oh don't hiss you'll be telling it tommorrow"
"I wanted to sing Katrina and the Waves but I can't get the backing vocals"
"I was as pissed as a matress in a nursing home"
"Stand at the other end of the room you're tipping it over"
Had us howling. Also had a personal birthday message which made me cream on the spot. Sigh. Big thanks for that guys. Ended up doin bar b after that with goldfrapp being the song of the night (ooh la la indeed) and red aftershock chasers (damn you martini), then onto the new bar faith. Walked in. paid £1. Walked straight back out again. Four trannies dancing on a bar the size of the front of the tuns in a georgian style setting aint 'a superclub' if you ask me. Less than impressed we dragged stroponstoke and the gang up to flamingos. As impressive as 'Lolly' miming live onstage with two overweight cocaine fuled cheerleaders in Kittys tights can be, it seemed to do little to phase Stropon who berated me with the blame as a 'hairy chested green t-shirt wearing bastard' so as you can see she was back on form friday with many a lemon suckin face! We ended up having possibly the BEST night out EVER amid lots of dancey choons and vodka. I ended up suddenly being in Los Gringo takeaway (as is religious when visiting blackpool) suddenly nose bleeding all over. Excused myself and sat by a phone booth to have Princess carry me off home. Only the next morning I actually found out it was Martini who hauled my ass back to the b&b with some as yet untapped mimsy strength!
Saturday saw a biiiiig lie in with all plans to pleasure beach dashed with ensuing hangovers. Saw Princess off at the station and slept for all of 2 hours before we headed to the front for chips and curry sauce with hen party groupings. After a deep and meaningful conversation on how big seagulls are we took our time getting ready and got into the flying handbag where it was 'f**kin roastin' in there. Ah Sherrin you were with us in spirit! Much more of a view last night but truth be told we were all feeling a little drained still from the previous festivities. Neil was the first to drop on the way to Mardi Gras for our rebout with Stella. I had a piccy taken and everyfink with her and she did her swing number. Classic! Then it was bar b and flamingos once again, although the return of Martinis tonsilitis and my thirst for anything NOT containing vodka made it a comparitivly tame night and caused early departures from 'A Gay'. Made much more interesting by a guy I spotted in a blue polo shirt with the most amazing blue eyes and smile. Made many awkward glances and advances through the medium of subtley organised dance to get closer and find out his name was Richard. An accounting student. Who happened be stopping in our hotel too. From Leamington outside Brum. 20 (21 this weekend coming) and currently studying in Warrick. One word sum this fella up was WOW, as agreed by all gathered! Talked all night about everything and nothing - looks, body, smarts, sense of humour he has it all! Really really sweet guy and uber sound. Left blackpool today with a hefty cheesy smile on my face and a new number on my phone that i can see being responsible for a healthy bill this month... Unlike the tonsilitis ridden Martini (doped up on panadol and neurofen, can't remember driving us home at all!) and a rather quiet Dicky (reasons not given, just a bit tired we think) I was full of energy still until we got in the car. Now drained and planning a six day sleep!
Didn't see as much of Paul, Steve, Colin and Neil as previous times (different accomodation and no pleasure beach) and only saw Chris in flamingos despite discoverin he too was in the same hotel as us! But a big big thanks to those of you who did make it and didn't cancel after I paid the room deposits lol.
I'm off to soak my jellied thighs in a bath and knit my head mush back together. Keep smilin y'all!

Wings xXx

Miss Lunt!

Wings

Name - Ian Lunt
Alias - Miss Lunt, Lunty, Fair Maiden Of The North
Age - 22
Residence - The Metropolis Of Manchester, Not Local
Profession - Banker and Superclubwhore
Favourite Pose - The 'More-Flesh-The-Better'
Trademark Fashion - Flared Trews, A Line Zips
Smokes - Not At All, She Is A Lady
Drinks - At Work, Yes
Loves - Clubbing, Muscle Marys, McDoogles, Massage
Hates - Psycho Ex-Boyfriends, Family Issues, Admittin To Missin Stoke
Role - Ex Tuns Resident And Brother Of Mercy, Fellow 18th Century Scribe, We Miss Her So
Most Likely To Say - Hola!
Least Likely To Say - I'm Moving Back!

Of SFT05ptIItbsb. . .

STELLA CLEARS HER AIRWAYS IN PREPERATION FOR THE BIG NIGHT AHEAD...

"STELLAFEST IS UPON US - bow down and submit to it's glory..." - Prince Steven of Bozlum, '05


It's here. It's pretty queer. We'll all be marinated with beer (or sweet tasting alchopops and vodka). Either way the event we've held dear since march has finally arrived. My hair is trimmed, my plastic at the ready, my tan is peaked and my new dunlop all green flash shoes are poised to boogy. The only let down thus far being that Matt and Jez dropped out after I paid their deposits but we have a Gareth on the reserves bench to take up rooms in mardi gras hotel... Martini, Dicky and myself shall be travelling up at 5:30ish to meet Princess Stephanie, Steve, Colin, Neil and Paul in the las vegas of the north coast. Unfortunatly the Queen Bee herself was unable to attend as she has a family occasion in london but her spirit shall be with us in the heart of the trashiest weekend to be planned ever. For God's sake 'Lolly' is appearing at flamingos too - "Hey Mickey!"
So until my return I bid thee all fair morrow - a quaint tale beginneth...


Wings xXx

Ricky!

Name - Richard William Porter
Alias - Ricky, Lil Dude, 'The Missus' (not mine of course)
Age - 18
Residence - Sneyd Green (Don't Pretend You Dunno Where It Is)
Profession - Ex Student And Potato Botherer
Favourite Pose - The 'Can-You-See-Any-Boogers' Angle
Trademark Fashion - Inside Out Seams, Beanie Hats (Yay)
Smokes - Once Upon A Time He's The Naughty One
Drinks - Vodka, Any Flavour And Colour, Preferably Large
Loves - See Agent Benji!
Hates - Potatoes, Queens, Interviews, Paranoia, Dial Up Connections
Role - Fellow Trisharite And Similar MSN Tramp
Most Likely To Say - RICE!
Least Likely To Say - Anything Remotely Rude

Agent Benji!

Name - Ben Cumming
Alias - Agent Benji, Music Meister, Sarge
Age - 19
Residence - Close Enough To Britannia Stadium Hear Da Choons
Profession - Gentleman Of Leisure And Vodawhore In Prep
Favourite Pose - The 'Arty-Farty' Look
Trademark Fashion - Polo Shirts, Baggy Jeans, Adidas Shoes, Belts
Smokes - No He's The Good One
Drinks - Anything In A Shooter Glass
Loves - See Ricky!
Hates - Pernod, Whingey Rents, Banks, Patience
Role - MSN Tramp and All Round Sound Agent Spy Of The Underworld
Most Likely To Say - Meh
Least Likely To Say - Of Course I'll Hold The Line...

Of Absinthe...

Woah... last night was somewhat of a sucess. Found out that another major perk to staff drinks is that you can use your vouchers to purchase absinthe at £1.20 per shot - yes £1.20 per shot (to be repeated in a Bruce Forsyth type way). Needless to say me and Dicky made the most of such a disgracefully good offer. Crawled into work today feelin somewhat sorry for myself (it's the mimsy in me tryin surface) blaming Bex entirely for the fact that I can't look into my monitor without wanting to present last nights chinese to it. Have emailed/text apologies to the appropiate parties who witnessed my behaviour last night although nobody can get in touch with NeeNee after he disapeared with Dean (again) last night around 2ish. Was that bad I had to be hoisted off many a surface including walls, stairs and car parks! Stuff slowly returning to me as the morning wears on but now gonna concentrate on lookin BEABT and keeping my stomach contents stomach contents...

Wings xXx