Part 3; here endeth the lesson.

Wings

S - is for 'Stella Artois'. And this time we do mean the trannie, and not the beverage of wife beaters and Glaswegians! Yes, I oft reflect and look back on our Stella's trowel and the way it shimmers around in her diamonte dress !!!

T - is for 'Tipple'; something I try to avoid during the months of january to september to make birthdays and christmas times more merry. However, this being year three I've decided to give up coffee instead. Dangerous, but who needs two kidneys anyway?!

U - is for 'Underpaid'. See 'O'.

V - is for 'Vest'. Yes vest. I've started to wear these extremely homosexual garments in the sun and I'm actually getting used to having my tats (not tits) on show. No strings or trailer vests though mind...

W - is for 'Waterworld' as in the theme park full of lifeguards that look like they got lost in there on a school trip in 1993 and haven't found the exit yet... woooosh!

X - is for 'X-Men'. See 'G'... :$

Y - is for 'Yazoo', a milkshake drink that's 3% water, 5% milk, 24% cocoa solids and 68% lard. Yummy!

Z - is for 'ZZZZZZzzzz'. Lame I know but I'm off to bed....

Toodle Pip!

Wings xXx

Wings

Wings
Due to the underwhelming demand and comments here is Part II of my A-Z of 'I'!

J - is for 'Jungle of Doom' or the potted plant graveyard that stands as testiment on my balcony that I cannot keep any idoor greeneries alive unless it's ivy or bamboo...

K - is for 'Keys', something I often forget which isn't helpful when you live on the 1st floor with a timelocked stairwell. Thank God we have spares residing with 'A Gay'!

L - is fo 'Lush'. No not the vodka swillin trannie at the tuns, I'm talking about what you smell if you get within a 200 metre radius of the potteries shopping centre. We are a fan of such delicacies as ma-bar and cisilian-bombs!

M - is for 'Martin' my lil wifey. He's full of snot and sneezes at the mo but I still find him pretty darn irressistable!

N - is for 'Newsletter' as in back to the hive. Something we have been promising to contribute to for the Queen Bee for months but still been unable to find my crystal balls...

O - is for 'Overworked' (and underpaid)

P - is for 'Party'. Something I've kept away from until the beach party this friday arrives. Hula skirt and hawaiian wreath on standby!!!

Q - is for 'Queen Bee' with such classic quotes as "it's fucking roasting in here" how can you not love the loevable Saffy?!

R - is for 'Randy' being as I just glanced at my history on the webpages and lets just say the majority of sites aint made up of ornithology pages and other mimsy blogs...


Final installment when I next have ten to kill. Don't hold ya breath...


B xXx

The A-Z of Wings part I

Wings

In true stroponstoke stylee I'm going to totally rip off his latest idea but concentrate on one letter in particular - 'I'; or me me me me ME!
Well it's my blogspot what do you expect?!

A - is for 'A Gay', a close friend and confidante otherwise referred to as Martini; or that whore from behind the bar whose reputed to be hung like a mule!

B - is for 'BSexual'; apparently I don't prefer the 'i-' due to my refusal to engage in threesomes anymore...

C - is for 'Chloe Cowbag' the best kitty puss in the world. Far better than some unmentionable cushions that eat, shit and squeak coughPorshacoughcough!

D - is for 'Drawing' a hobby I get little chance to enjoy since being shackled to RG3 Leaisure Ltd. My talent eeeks for a spurt (ooh er)

E - is for 'EEEEEEWWWWWW' the noise usually made by most mimsy-folk when they see my winds standing on end!

F - is for 'Freak Like Me' my bestestest favouritest song in the world baybee!

G - is for 'Geek', alas I am a geek through and through (they're not toys they're highly collectable figurines mother)

H - is for 'Hugo Dark Blue' ones fragrance a la eau de toilette dahrling!

I - is for 'Ikea', or mecca. Or the place where they insist on holding my sofa hostage for the last 12 months! Has anyone found me that cement mixer to transport it yet?!?!?!?!



More on the way (you lucky sh1ts!)

Wings xXx

Beware That Flying Moose!

Wings

I just had to put this pile of titters on here. It's another place to whittle your time when you really have nothing better to do...

www.dumblaws.com

Oh the hilarity of the legal system.

RIIICE!!!

B xXx

Hoops and Christenings

Wings

Well I'm miffed. I hardly saw the wifey today as I had to open Red at 9:30 only to find at 12 I wasn't needed due to overstaffing on the rota (kinda my bad I know but Grrr) so I was home till 5 snoozing. At work I then find out I'm rota'd on the Noahs sunday night 6-finish. I DON'T DO SUNDAYS but some brat wants it's declaration into the family of God or something so I gotta cater a christening party. Why am I bummed out? I'm off saturday till 4 and sunday till 6 but Martin is working! Pathetic? Yes. Angry? YES! Will I sleep tonight? Not without being a class one lameo and hugging a pillow. Poor substiture albeit less snoring, gargling, kicking and morning breath (gotta luv it). So until monday don't come near be or I'll snap you like a scabby stick >:@
On a lighter (literally!) note my heart felt concern goes out to our very own Phoenix from the ashes, Ade who has been suffering a bout of pebble dashing thanks to a dodgy takeaway. There was a reason behind the Pearl Harbour retaliation love and it wasn't so as to get their cameras...
Oh and on a final word I have readopted my blond streaks for that summer-happy feel. That and it costs less in sunbeds than tryin look healthy with dark hair.

Freshen my gin won't you Brice?

Wings xXx

Me Say Boogle Boogle Boogle Bumble SQUAT!

Wings

Hello one and all, and kiss my teeth!

Well what a hectic week+ it's been! We've seen staff leave. We've seen musical productions hand crafted, moulded and DESTROYED by stroponstoke and his motly cast of fags, hags and slags. And we've also had a new young (20!) man stroll into the life of Wing's and made him all giddy inside.
Twas a little whispered fact that I am now seeing a Mr Martin Foote (not to be confused with Martinistoke as I did) a law student at Keele who hails from Surrey. He's cute, funny and pretty darn luvvable but then I'm biased so I'll let Soph and co. comment on that. I have felt I've had to play it low key in the club although my tri-monthly leave of the place has helped the situation somewhat but we don't wanna make the wrong impression or cause gossip. Saying that I'm denying the amount of fun I'm having with him either ;)
Enough sordid stuffs (ask Martinistoke if you wanna know more) another minor hiccup in the life of Benj happened monday when I was brought up for a private meeting with the director and the area manager on some gossip that had been flying around like a big burly bag of cowshit at work. I vehemotly denied all charges and demanded a retrial so I'm back in tonight with the other suspects to hear the final verdict. I remain defiant to the end. Or at least until 8pm...
On a better note I shall be taking the role of manager for a short stint while the area manager and manager of the White Lion takes a leave for a fortnight so expect front page news in the sentinel and pictures of ash mounds and charred corpses. The task shall be taken up by me and Ellen so Theresa will be in a lick of a treat!
Speaking of who she looked GLAM-AR-OUS saturday for her 50th (fifthtieth!) birthday party. A quick humming bird style tongue to the lips after her party we all commented how elegant she looked in her black dress and siver scarf accessorie. And how vulgar she sounded when she described what she was gonna do to half the staff in the cellar!
On a final note, a word to the wise - if you receive an email inviting you to take a 'sex-test' anytime soon feel free to delete it. I found out the hard way when all my personal and intimate details, specs and stories were handed to what I thought was a dear friend until that little trick was pulled. Negotiations are in process to thwart all kinds of blackmail...
Till the next time I have ten to spare,

B xXx

Regarde La Menoo!

Wings

OK. 10:30 am Sunday 8th May. YMCA Hanley. You too can watch me gracefully (!) glide down the side of a building with Bubbles (have you tried the Montecarlo number dahling?)
Feel free to bring pledges and cameras!

Wings xXx

Wings

Wings

Sorry I've left this so long (again) but thought I'd better post to keep you all up to date on my facinating life!!!
As you might have guessed from 'recent' posts Charlie and I are no more. Kaput. Phoot. Nil Pois! 14th Febuary - 24th April to be precise. However, not one to be deterred I've decided not to get hung up on the old fellow and we're getting along amicabley (if a little awkwardly) with eachother so at least that situation will fade.
Last week consisted of me throwing myself wholley into my work. I studied (after finding out I don't do enough theory; I'mthe kinda guy that likes to get stuck in - I'll say!) for lots of different wines and Champagnes. I sat up in the Noah's with Jeff doing rota's till 3am then pulling an AFD shift 9:30am - 12am most days so I've not really had time to do much of anything else! It's also helped me realise I really love my job. I enjoy doing what I'm doing and after being made to feel like shit around a group of Keele Uni students out for lunch (you know the type, born with plums in their mouths, a fiat up their arse and an intolerence to any real alcoholic beverage) I've decided to think F**k You to all the indebted snotty ones who have to do a masters just to escape the inevitable 'real world' situation. Unless of course we're talking about the type of student like Martin, Soph, Kat, Will etc who are just generally a good laugh (and a pizza!).
OK, heavy reflective side over, you'll be happy to know I did another quick stint behind the bar at the Club saturday. When I got there at 12 Marcia had a sweat on and Paul looked as though his supository had slipped so I offered to don a badge and do some rounds. Little did I know I'd have a sparkly fairy gay-tee type thing which Sherrin undoubtedly loved! It was just missin the hand/paw prints...
Other than that I've blown another wad of money in the sales (Gap, Republic and River Island for all you fellow bargain demons) as well as buy a shitload of DVDs off tinternet! Especially prominent is the disney collection I'm building. I reckon Gloria must have sneezed her spores over me at STF05pt1 when she was in the Noahs Ark Steam (not my pub you understand, the kiddly ride).
So it's the end of three day weekends now for a while but hopefully work will settle down enough soon that I'll be more regular on here.
Oh and thanks for the note stroponstoke put on his site - ta babe!

Keep smilin, I'll keep flappin'

Wings xXx