A Word From Our Sponser

Wings

As regards my last post too late. All men are c**ts

It's official. I have bad taste in men. I can't seem to find a margined balance between amateur dramatic attention seeking kids and adulterous blokeies of easy virtue. Am I asking to much? Even the women of the last couple of years have been the same.

Brief recap:
Ant 3 months: cheated on me... many many times
Melissa 10months - cheated on me because of a long distance affair
Jeremy 2 weeks: cheated on me with Chris Fox - eww
Dave 18months: cheated on me for 3 months; various reasons
Vince 3 months: The ex of Dave (I know) who wasn't quite over him
Hayley 5 months: Lived in Sheffield and didn't want to commit young
Ashley 2 months: Work work work work work work... Ben who?
Alex 2 weeks: she couldn't cope with the bi thing and was major drama queen
Rich: went with Marcia
Jodie 1 month: Fancied another girl
Charlie 2 months :Ignored me for a week+ then blanked me in the club until dramatic text exchange at 5am sunday morning.

Am I flypaper for freaks?!

I'm off for a sherry.
B xXx

Long time, no type!

Wings

Hola peeps. Well, what a tiring week! Worked 12hrs each day (except upon the wednesday when the Lord did rest) so not done a huge amount of anything else.
Bad news number one is I don't think Emily Howard shall be gracefully decending the goliath of a tower that is the YMCA in a fortnight as you have to have the sponser money with you on the day (£100 minimum). And would you believe it, people ain't so keen to hand over their cash before the event?! Big suprise. Poor planning on the blind methinks...
On a slightly different note, my boyfriend has decided not to repond to my texts or take my calls since saturday morning when I saw him last and it's now friday night. Which granted has me worried, confused (was it something I've done?) and pissed off (was it something HE'S done?) Given my ex-bf/gf catalogue adultry seems to be an all time favourite when it comes to my choosing a significant other. SO tommorrow night out should be fun. I have Martini eeking out info as I type...
On a more positive note it seems I may have actually secured not one but TWO large vehicles to transport my sexy adorable sofa from fair Warrington town! I'm whet trying to contain myself...
We also had a very happy run in with Theresa from work tonight when I covered a doormans shift at Red after he did a no show. For those of you oblivious to my new friend Terry, she's mad as a hatter with the face of an angel and the mouth as a navvy! She is so sweet with the customers but mucky as pie with the staff. Especially if you insist on wearing a penis. Examples of such are telling the boss Gary that she'd 'wiped her fanny round the seat' after he requested her to mind her minge on his loo bowl, and running up to me tonight with a gaggle of girls and licking the side of my face... TASTY! We can see me gettin on with this young Lady...
That's all my weary head can think of for now. Another saturday (two in a row, possibly three...!) off tommorrow so it's pampering and boogying till the sunday. If I ain't swearing at all men by the time I see Charlie again... Grrr.
Keep it smiley,
Wings xXx

Wings

Wings

You scored as Dougie. Dougie, the "shy" one, so wants you. He really wAnTz YoUr bAbIeZ!!123^%($£7o Dougie 88% Tom 63% Harry 38% Danny 25% Which McFly member would sleep with you? created with QuizFarm.com

Flaming Nostrils...

Wings

Hey guys girls and shims. Just a quickie as it's hideously late/early (5:11am). Just had a fantastic night shakin the shimmy shimmy at the club. A saturday night off I hear you chitter? Yes the winged one did actually do a bit of socialisng that didn't include the questions "are you enjoying your night madam", "more champagne sir" or "will somebody tell mark to stop chewing his f**k-eyed nails!". Unlike friday which was a complete drain of a night for the launch of the White Lion! Much hob nobbing and plum talking later, we decided to carry on the festivities back at Ellen's gaff in fancy-hanley-town. After convincing the chippy to give us three bags of food (chips, fish, sausages, fritters, pizza, kebab meat, chicken, battered mars bars etc) for £12 at 3am we decided to down some vodka and coke and let the children get exceedingly high on weed.
After Gert (my manager) decided to polish off most of the bottle, a couple of mini bar bottles and a bit of bacardi we took his unconcious corpse to the floor for a bit of hair removal. As in set fire to his nostril hair. And veet his arm. And his leg. Note that I used a singular not plural use of limbage there. After finally coming to and complaining that his wrist 'smelt of cat piss' and blaming poor salem, he finally realised his folic free appendage amidst much belly achein laughter and wheezing titters. Note to self - do not fall asleep round these guys in the work place...
Other than that I've watched a full spit cat fight between Celia and Joan after hours (much to Sherrin's glee methinx) which included a bitch slap, a drinkin contest, Jerry Springer style reactions from the audience of staff and vomiting. Ah, I do miss the staff drinks after a saturday night.
Brandy anyone?
Wings xXx

But I'm a lady!!!!

Wings

It's official. Emily Howard and Vicky Pollard will be abseiling for the blind on either 8th or the 9th of May off the YMCA in hanley. Any support, mocking, stone throwing or rope cutting is highly anticipated and encouraged!
Other news: I can no longer 'kiss me teeth' as one of my caps has decided to didlodge itself (AGAIN) from the front of my face. Luckily said cap has been temporarily stuck back on but the dentist is playing funny buggers over a wavered bill... grrr.
Congratulations to Martinistoke too. After only two shifts he's already made a good impression as a hard worker to the managment and he's loving zipping around the bar for all the old saggies serving his finest blue VK (I said VK!!!) and headless lager. All this amid rumours that he is hung like a mule...

RICE!!!! (Don't kiss me teeth)
xXx

Martini!

Wings

A quick good luck goes out to Martini for his new job that starts at the club tonight. Cobridge isn't paying out anywhere near as good since John Draper left the fair shores of stoke again and a girl has to make ends meet. So I hope he has fun getting his arse pinched, having bitter run up his arms and sweating like Micheal Jackson in mothercare in the summer when the fans don't work!

On a similar(!) note Charles and Camilla got married.


Woop dee f**king 5hit!

B xXx

http://www.boklok.com/uk/start.html

Wings

Is this the way to Ikea...?

Wings

Dear readers.

Have you ever witnessed to rugged, butch, masculine men insert a two seater sofa into the back of an astra? No. Neither have me and Martinistoke. Which is precisely why I still don't have my effing sofa looking sexy as Holly Valance in a wet t-shirt competition in my lounge! After much umming and arring, Martin and I decided that, 'yes, 180cm worth of settee will fit in this vehicle with the seats down and a paasanger assuming a crash position behind the driver'. However, no amount of guessing or arm length measuring could have prepared us for the sad fact that there was no hope. No joy. No sofa. After embarressingly wheeling the offending furniture back into the warehouse to get the refund, I left with the following purchases: 1x10 Bamboo Sticks = £3.00
1x10 AA Batteries = £1.90
Grand Total £4.90
or an 80 mile round trip (including Tesco provisions)
or a complete and total waste of f**king time.

After dreaming for 11 months of my klippan plain dye two seater sofa I'm left to remark on this urgent plea; does anyone have access to or means to a large vehicle, be it a people carrier, land rover, bus, tractor, caravan, tractor or cement mixer?! After trying and failing with rent-a-geek taxi's I'm left to grovel like the setteeless b-sexual I am. Sod the abseil, this cause is more just!!! Joke. Honest(!)
I'm not even in the mood for a RICE!!!

Wings xXx

Hommkitt

Wings

It's happened. The end of the world is nigh. The sky is falling. Cats and dogs are getting on with oneanother. Martin is butch. Stroponstoke is wearing a tiara. Sherrin has quit smoking. And Ikea are making a flat pack house available by 2007.
You heard right folks, now you really CAN live the ikea lifestyle, with your own property flat packed. Bizarre as it sounds it comes with money off if you assemble it yourself with a posidrive, allenkeys, electric drill, hammer and nail gun; and it comes with £250 of vouchers for a furniture starter kit. I kid you not.
I think I'll have to inspect one up close before I purchase anything made of sawdust, spit and a thin layer of lackwood to live in...
Pity open-mouth-Annie hasn't heard the news yet. If you've not sampled her oral technique may I suggest you head over to and select the help option and ask the little blond bombsite as many vulgar and insulting questions as possible!
Rice!!!!

Wings xXx

Flitting, Razors, Bar Whores and 14 Storey Drops...

Wings
Yes you lucky devils (and devilesses) I'm here to give a brief but merry round up to the week so far! I'm sure you're all whett with anticipation...
Work has been work with the exception that I now get to flit between Hartshill, Newcastle and Bucknall to each venue to spread my love (and wings of course) to the happy face filling folk of Stoke! Yes my new title means I can enjoy the thrills of long unsociable hours, a lack of staff thanks to uni holidays, no idea as to the following weeks rota until 11pm saturday night and learning how to pronounce the wines without sounding like a tw@ or a chav.
I hope I'll see a few of ya poppin in for a pint should you risk to leave your hives/menagerie of cats/stella posters. We really all need to get together outside of blackpool every now and again.
Charlie decided to go all JT on me this week by buzzin the barnet down to a number 3 all over - very sexy we may say albeit with a lack of the ace ventura fringe. His more recent biccing however didn't go to plan so he's shampooing with JFM and compost for the next couple of weeks!
Martinistoke is the latest addition to the massive staff turnover of the Club so a big flappy welcome to fully fledged bar-whore status goes out to my favourite 'a-gay'. Look out for rent-a-geek jining the newbie ranks in the not so far off future soon (ie 9th April). Feel free to grab their asses as they wander round glass collectin etc :oP
IT also seems I'll be waving to the Queen Bee herself at the beggining of May as I plan to abseil down the YMCA for RNIB (yes thats the blind ones dears) all in the name of christianity, good faith and a bit of a laugh. Feel free to pledge for me but I will have to dress up too so suggestions on a postcard...
Think thats all I can think of for 4:58am so toodles for now
B xXx